Clifford (1994)

It’s 2050, and creepy priest Father Clifford (Martin Short), at a location meant to look like a Christian orphanage, is talking young Roger (Ben Savage) out of running away. He understands that Roger is running away because something-something-intelligence-boredom, thus begins a heartfelt tale of his own struggles to deal with an overactive imagination when he was young. Soon, we the audience, through no fault of our own, are thrust into a flashback set sixty years ago, when the creepy priest was instead a creepy 10-year-old boy. Thus opens Clifford (1994, sorta), a movie that cinephiles have struggled to explain for over two decades, and may very well be singular proof that we are all living in an alternate dimension discarded by omniscient (and very irritated) beings who realized that a species who can create such a film is not a species worth saving. While flying to Hawaii with his family, 10-year-old hellchild Clifford discovers the plane will not be stopping over in L.A. as he had hoped. Angered that he won’t see Dinosaur World, a theme park located in Los Angeles, he talks his way into the cockpit and tries to crash the plane, as one does when one is disappointed. The plane is forced to land in L.A., and Clifford’s very insane father (Richard Kind) pawns the kid off onto his slightly less-crazy uncle Martin (Charles Grodin), who is in the market for a little boy. Specifically, he wants to show his fiancée Sara (Mary Steenburgen) that he’s good … Continue reading

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

Valerie (Geena Davis) is a gorgeous beautician living in the San Fernando Valley with her doctor fiance Ted (Charles Rocket). For reasons never explained — his girlfriend is Geena Davis, for cryin’ out loud — Ted likes to boff other women, thus neglects Valerie in the bedroom and can’t get too worked up for their impending nuptials. The day after he gets his cheatin’ ass kicked out of their gorgeous Valley home, an adorable spaceship holding three very fuzzy aliens crashes in the pool. They can’t speak English and think Lava Lamps are refreshing beverages, but otherwise are mostly harmless. Quick-thinking Valerie gets her stoner friend Woody (Michael McKean) to drain the pool so the ship can be repaired, but it will take a day for the water to drain. In an attempt to keep the aliens from being discovered as, well, aliens, she brings them to the beauty shop she works at, where master beautician Candy (Julie Brown) shaves them all down and turns them into hunks, as one does: Shenanigans ensue as they go out and party the night away. Meanwhile, jerkface Ted starts to suspect something is up, while Valerie and the captain of the alien ship, Mac (Jeff Goldblum) fall in love. A see-through hot pink swimsuit, just like grandma used to wear.   Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) exists solely as a vehicle for beefcake and cheesecake. Okay, sure, there are some musical numbers, and Julie Brown’s script and pop songs are a hoot — … Continue reading

The John Ford Blogathon: Fort Apache (1948)

Fort Apache was the first film of what would become known as director John Ford’s “Cavalry Trilogy.” Though Ford worked within the same historical period in other films, too, these three movies — Fort Apache (1948), She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) and Rio Grande (1950) — were loosely tied together thanks not only their shared historical setting, but because they were released consecutively and featured period-appropriate music used as strong thematic elements, the role of Irish immigrants in the United States’ brutal expansion through Native lands, and a subversive, critical approach to the policies of the United States government. Continue reading

White Elephant Blogathon: The Dunwich Horror (1970)

This is the SBBN entry for this year’s White Elephant Blogathon, hosted by Philip Tatler IV of Diary of a Country Pickpocket. – “These terrors are of older standing. They date beyond the body — or without the body, they would have been the same…” – Charles Lamb, Witches and other Night-Fears – To call H.P. Lovecraft’s fiction evocative would be to commit one of the most egregious literary understatements possible, second only to “Bukowski’s poetry is bleak,” or maybe “Shakespeare was kind of wordy.” The Dunwich Horror, a short story written by Lovecraft in 1928, was somewhere between the second and eighth entry in what would become known as The Cthulhu Mythos. In most of these stories, ancient gods from another realm terrorize simple folk in the American Northeast, in frightening tales that — and I must quote Wikipedia here — reflect “the complete irrelevance of mankind in the face of … cosmic horrors.” Evocative! Roger Corman, born less than two years before the publication of The Dunwich Horror, produced and directed some of the best B-movie horror films during the 1960s, often borrowing from the works of Edgar Allan Poe. Corman was nearing the end of what would be his most artistically productive and compelling period when he stopped making films based on Poe’s stories, and it must have seemed only natural to move on to Lovecraft, a fine horror craftsman who was also inspired by Poe. But there was a problem with adapting Lovecraft for modern audiences: … Continue reading

The Last Films Blogathon: Douglas Shearer and Her Twelve Men (1954)

This is the SBBN entry for The Late Films Blogathon, hosted by David Cairns at Shadowplay. Check out all the other terrific entries here! *** Given that one can’t discuss Norma Shearer’s career without the word “nepotism” being uttered at least once, it’s no surprise that her brother Douglas suffers the same fate. His career as the chief sound engineer for Metro Goldwyn Mayer Studios was a distinguished one, helping to develop some of the first sound systems for films and ultimately being nominated for an astonishing 21 Academy Awards, winning seven of the statuettes. Yet very little is known about Douglas Shearer, whose career was almost entirely overshadowed by that of his younger sister Norma. Douglas and Norma examining a state-of-the-art sound camera, circa 1931. Did Norma ever appear in a photo in the 1930s where her hands weren’t on her hips? I submit to you that she did not.   It’s not that MGM publicity didn’t try to set Douglas apart from his more famous sibling. In 1931, author and screenwriter Donald Henderson Clarke was deployed to write a brief bio that began with a lament that Douglas was actually hindered by his better-known sibling. Still, even gossip columnists mentioned the Shearer family business, often under faux positive guise of “the building of dynasties”, a way of saying “nepotism” without getting Louis B’s boys breathing down your neck. Douglas Shearer was born in 1899, and by the mid 1920s, had joined his mother and Norma in Hollywood, where … Continue reading

Regis Toomey for The What A Character! Blogathon

This is the SBBN entry for The What A Character! Blogathon, hosted by Once Upon a Screen, Outspoken & Freckled, and today’s host Paula at Paula’s Cinema Club. There are a ton of terrific articles spanning the three-day ‘thon, so please check them all out! ***   It’s difficult to imagine a more steadfast, hardworking, solid character actor than Regis Toomey. Cast as a policeman in more films than most actors in the Golden Age of Hollywood could list on their entire resume, Toomey worked in Hollywood and on the small screen for five decades, and had one of the most recognizable faces in the business, even if most people never knew his name. Regis Toomey was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in the neighborhood of Lawrenceville, in 1898. As a teen, he attended the University of Pittsburgh, pursuing a degree in history and philosophy with an eye toward a law degree, but ultimately pursued a degree in theater. He graduated from Pitt in 1921 and then enrolled in Carnegie Tech’s theater department; in Mary Ellen Stelling’s semi-fictitious memoir A Place to Call Home, she claims Regis, a family friend, “put himself through Carnegie Tech by moonlighting as a traveling salesman.” Given his father was a lawyer and the Toomey family included as their friends at least one sitting U.S. Supreme Court justice, it’s unlikely he needed to moonlight at any job at all. After graduating, he had a successful run on stage in musical comedies. Several sources claim he made … Continue reading

Hitchcock Halloween Blogathon: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

This is the SBBN entry for the Hitchcock Halloween Blogathon, hosted by Backlots. Check out their blog today for all the great entries — and Happy Halloween, everyone! *** Charlie Newton (Theresa Wright) has decided in a fit of late-teen pique that her family life needs some shaking up, that the small-town drudgery — and her father caring more about money than souls — was hurting them all. She decides Uncle Charlie was just the one to shake everything up and fix their problems. Unbeknownst to her, at the same time, her uncle Charlie Oakley (Joseph Cotten) is heading straight for her in the quiet town of Santa Rosa, California. Uncle Charlie is well-loved, his sister Emma (Patricia Collinge) having doted on him as a child, his niece Charlie idolizing him, and the entire small town of Santa Rosa impressed with his charm and business acumen. Soon it becomes clear that Uncle Charlie has a terrifying secret, and young Charlie finds herself in danger as she pieces together the truth about her uncle’s life. Director Alfred Hitchcock often said that Shadow of a Doubt was his favorite of all his own films, and it must have pleased him greatly to receive such positive reviews on its release. Many critics in the UK felt the film was the first to show Hitchcock had finally settled into his new American artistic life, while American critics fell toward praising its wartime message of being cautious of slick evildoers hiding in plain sight. Hitch … Continue reading

The Vincent Price Blogathon: The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)

This article on The Tomb of Ligeia is the SBBN entry for Nitrate Diva’s fantabulous Vincent Price Blogathon, held October 25 through 27th. Check out all the terrific entries! *** It is a clear, cold day in the early winter of 1838, and Verden Fell, current owner of the Castle Acre Priory, an astonishing 11th century monastery, is burying his beautiful young wife Ligeia. Verden (Vincent Price) tells the few assembled of his wife’s extraordinary beliefs: that mankind can shake off the shackles of the Christian God and embrace the Egyptian idols, and return from the dead. Ligeia (Elizabeth Shepherd) is not meant to be buried in consecrated ground for her sins, but Verden defies tradition and the church, and remains fully committed to the idea of her secular resurrection. After all the humans leave, a black cat watches over Ligeia’s grave. Nearly a year passes since her death when the spunky Lady Rowena Trevanion (also Elizabeth Shepherd) finds herself, after a fox hunt, amidst the beautiful ruins of the ancient abbey. She is thrown from her horse and lands directly atop Ligeia’s grave, briefly knocked out. Rousing herself from the garden of wild red asphodelus atop the tomb, Rowena sees the sleek black cat, still guarding the tombstone, but is shocked into a faint at the sudden appearance of Verden, so ashen his skin is the color of bone, and in dark glasses to ward his delicate eyes from the light. In the real world, we’d say Verden was … Continue reading

The Italian Horror Blogathon: Orgasmo (1969)

This is the SBBN entry for the 4th annual Italian Horror Blogathon hosted by our good friend Kevin at Hugo Stiglitz Makes Movies. The ‘thon runs for a week, so keep checking in! *** Actress Carroll Baker spent 1967 reeling from a series of Hollywood setbacks, all of which began, somewhat ironically, after she achieved the biggest commercial success of her career. Having had a solid film and stage career for nearly a decade, Baker accepted the role of a Jean Harlow-esque blonde bombshell in The Carpetbaggers (1964). As she later said, she took the role because it was far removed from her iconic appearance as Baby Doll a decade earlier in the infamous film of the same name, and because she had thought the book was “great fun.” The soapy, scandalous Carpetbaggers went on to become a massive success, earning over $28 million, the fourth highest-grossing film of the year. It resurrected the careers of a few aging Hollywood actors, and briefly shot Baker and her leading man George Peppard into stardom. Carroll Baker in Harlow   Thinking Baker was on the cusp of international fame, Carpetbaggers producer Joe Levine signed Baker to a multi-million dollar contract, then immediately screwed her over. Levine was a bully and a hack, one of those long-time Hollywood producers who managed, simply by being around for decades, to produce a few classic films, but mostly spent his time on films like Santa Claus Vs. the Martians (1964) and The Oscar (1965). Thanks to … Continue reading

William Castle Blogathon: Let’s Kill Uncle (1966)

This is the SBBN entry for the William Castle Blogathon, hosted by The Last Drive-In and Goregirl’s Dungeon. Check out Goregirl’s page here for a full list of all contributors! *** William Castle was a solid B-movie studio director in the 1940s, responsible for films like Undertow (1949), The Whistler (1944) and The Saracen Blade (1954). It was in the mid-1950s when he turned his attention to more lurid television fare and carnival-barker style promotion that he found his niche, and by 1958, he had launched his own production company and the first of his heavily hyped horror films, Macabre (1958). For six years, Castle was the undisputed king of hype, directing films that were sometimes exceptional, sometimes cheesefests, but always entertaining. Movies such as The House on Haunted Hill (1959) and Strait-Jacket (1964) work because the promotional shenanigans were confined mostly to outlandish ad campaigns, and they are fine horror films in their own right. But movies like The Tingler (1959) and Mr. Sardonicus (1961) take great ideas and interrupt them with promotional bits within the film itself, which can often ruin the established cinematic atmosphere in favor of silly gimmickry. Castle was unquestionably more interested in commercial success and attention than in art, as well as having fun in a culture he often felt was too staid; as a result, his films were hits with teenage crowds.   Just as he finished The Night Walker (1964), starring Hollywood luminaries Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor, Castle decided to court … Continue reading