It’s just one week until the sweaty gratitude of SBBN’s Camp and Cult Blogathon! Get good sleep, stockpile snack cakes and up your meds, kids, this promises to be completely off the fucking hook, yo.
As promised, SBBN is giving you, gentle reader, the chance to vote on what movies I will do for at least two days of the Camp And Cult Blogathon. Some I’ve seen before, some I haven’t, but I know with almost near certainty that pain will be inflicted upon my soul during at least a few of the days of this blogathon. And with this poll, you have a rare opportunity to be the cause of that pain! Voting in the poll is like a $2 rando-pick lotto ticket or 90-day limited warranty: There is no way you can lose. So please, vote early, but don’t bother voting often because this thing logs your cookies, you cheating bastards.
Vote for up to three choices in the poll below, and understand that I know my tears are delicious to you, but I accept that as part of our unhealthy but intense bond. If you need more detail on the choices, check out the brief blurbs below the poll.
1. Auto Focus (2002): I have seen this but only in the edited U.S. version, because apparently all of us in the United States are delicate types that can’t be exposed to peen. Recently I found an international copy that is allegedly un-pixelated, so I’m itching for a chance to watch it. Keep in mind I like this film so there will be no bitter tears of cinematically-induced pain, but I have a couple of interesting tidbits to share, and I may go renegade and post screencaps of nude people doing nude things. Are you willing to take that chance?
2. Femme Fatale (2002) – I’ve seen this one a few times already, so again, no pain is likely. Basically, I threw this one in so I could get an even dozen films in the poll. Still, it’s a good ‘un, you know you should vote for it so I guess you might as well.
3. The Maltese Bippy (1969) – A revisit on a cinematic travesty I could not have hated more had it included blackface. Wait, why didn’t it include blackface? It was revolting on every other level; perhaps there was racism that I forgot, and by that I mean racism beyond the Super Honky Universe the film takes place in. This one is included specifically for those who hate me and think death is too good for me. I expect a lot of votes on this.
4. Frightmare (1983) – A movie I should have seen a decade ago.
5. Lace (1984 TV mini series) – Aw yeah baby, this is what I’m talking about. Shoulder pads, big hair, crazy-ass dialogue and a plot that looks so insane I can’t believe the summaries I’ve read aren’t just fucking with me. Guess I’ll find out eventually, hint hint.
6. Sex Machine (2005) – Strange low-budget version of Frankenstein. Gets a horrible rating and bad movie aficionados love it, so how bad could it be?
7. Busting (1974) – Robert Blake and Eliot Gould in what looks to be a hot tragic mess.
8. Sunburn (1979) – No idea why I haven’t seen this yet. It’s got Charles Grodin so I don’t expect much pain, for those of you voting on the pain platform, but it looks amazing.
9. Terror at Orgy Castle (1972) – I know, with a name like that it can’t possibly be bad, but I’ve heard from secret internet people that this sucks. No pun. Nah, I’m totally lying, that was a deliberate fellatio pun. I apologize for nothing.
10. The Pleasure Seekers (1964) – It’s an Ann-Margret flick, so there will be pain.
11. The Swinger (1966) – Ditto.
12. Where Love Has Gone (1964) – Complete insanity.
So there you have it, a letter opener the first Reader’s Choice poll for this blogathon. Voting ends late night on September 16th, the night before the blogathon begins. Please vote, please participate in the ‘thon, please advertise it with these tasteful banners, and please, for the love of all gods both real and imagined, hug your camp and cult films today. They are lonely and need the validation.