Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule is famous for many things: The reviews, the insight, the super spicy nachos, and of course the movie quizzes. I’ve been wanting to do one of these for a long while, but was always stymied on or before question #20 on the list, because I know a lot less about movies than I let on. (Shh! Don’t tell anyone!) This time, I am doing the dang quiz, and I will rally on whether I know what I’m talking about or not!
Also, please note that the occasional “fuck yous” are not directed toward anyone specific, but are simply used to indicate the general fervor with which I express my opinion.
And now, SBBN’s official answers to Professor Ed Avery’s Cortisone-Fueled, Bigger-Than-Life, Super Big Gulp-Sized Summer Movie Quiz! (in 3D where applicable).
1) Depending on your mood, your favorite or least-loved movie cliché
The gratuitous wedding ring shot irritates the hell outta me. Very big in 1950s and 1960s U.S. cinema, this is the shot where the audience is sure to notice a wedding ring on the hands of the lovers onscreen. It’s somewhat subtle, usually on a hand that is caressing a cheek or sliding along a neck, but its intent is clear: To assure all good Christian Americans that the two liplocked lovebirds are married in the eyes of God and man. You can still catch it on TV commercials nowadays, especially the ones for erectile dysfunction drugs.
|Edward Everett Horton, yoinked from Dr. Macro.|
2) Regardless of whether or not you eventually caught up with it, which film classic have you lied about seeing in the past?
Accidentally lied about Harold and Maude because I got it confused with Minnie and Moskowitz. Not my proudest moment.
3) Roland Young or Edward Everett Horton?
Fucking Edward Everett Horton, bitches! Fuck you for even asking. Damn.
4) Second favorite Frank Tashlin movie
Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?
5) Clockwork Orange– yes or no?
Yes, but with reservations.
6) Best/favorite use of gender dysphoria in a horror film (Ariel Schudson)
If Raising Cain counts, then that.
7) Melanie Laurent or Blake Lively?
Melanie Laurent, because she’s the one who has been in movies I actually want to watch.
8) Best movie of 2011 (so far…)
I haven’t seen any 2011 releases.
9) Favorite screen performer with a noticeable facial deformity (Peg Aloi)
10) Lars von Trier: shithead or misunderstood comic savant? (Dean Treadway)
11) Timothy Carey or Henry Silva?
Timothy Carey and, again, fuck you for even asking.
12) Low-profile writer who deserves more attention from critics and /or audiences
13) Movie most recently viewed theatrically, and on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming
I haven’t been to the movie theatre since Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. On DVD, I just watched Harvard Beats Yale 29-29, and I’ll be catching some streaming “Mythbusters” tonight, then 3 rotten movies for the Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon.
14) Favorite film noir villain
These questions break my balls, because I can’t just pick one. Probably Harry Lime, or maybe Captain Quinlan.
15) Best thing about streaming movies?
They’re instant, baby!
16) Fay Spain or France Nuyen? (Peter Nellhaus)
France Nuyen, because she was on “Automan” and “Crazy Like a Fox.” Ivan will now tell me I have shitty taste in television.
17) Favorite Kirk Douglas movie that isn’t called Spartacus (Peter Nellhaus)
Paths of Glory.
18) Favorite movie about cars
Either Heart Like a Wheel or Death Race 2000, but since I’ve never actually seen Death Race, I’ll go with Heart.
19) Audrey Totter or Marie Windsor?
Noooo! I love them both!
20) Existing Stephen King movie adaptation that could use an remake/reboot/overhaul
King is best when a good director pares down all the fluff, excess, and outright copyright infringement. I don’t think any director worth their salt is willing to tackle such a thing. But if someone wanted to turn The Dead Zone into a camp comedy, I’d watch it.
21) Low-profile director who deserves more attention from critics and/or audiences
22) What actor that you previously enjoyed has become distracting or a self-parody? (Adam Ross)
Lon Chaney, Sr. And everyone hates me for it, but for god’s sake, how many times can you see the deformed and/or evil guy lose the girl then die horribly before you get tired of it? My personal limit was 8 times.
23) Best place in the world to see a movie
I have no idea. I don’t watch movies in theatres much.
24) Charles McGraw or Sterling Hayden?
Sterling Hayden and, again, fuck you for even asking.
25) Second favorite Yasujiro Ozu film
Pass. I’ve only seen one.
26) Most memorable horror movie father figure
The Stepfather. The original, bitch.
27) Name a non-action-oriented movie that would be fun to see in Sensurround
28 Days. I think the scene at the beginning with the priest running toward the camera would be great in Sensurround.
28) Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds?
29) Favorite relatively unknown supporting player, from either or both the classic and the modern era
30) Real-life movie location you most recently visited or saw
I went to grade school in one of the towns featured in that TV birds-and-the-bees series “The Body Human,” and I went to high school in a town featured in a well-received documentary and indie film. But I’m not going to tell you where either one of those places are.
I think I’ve been to some of the places in Topeka and Lawrence used for Carnival of Souls, but I’m too lazy to dig out the KTWU docu on the Criterion set to confirm.
31) Second favorite Budd Boetticher movie
32) Mara Corday or Julie Adams?
Can’t decide. Love both.
33) Favorite Universal-International western
My Little Chickadee
34) What’s the biggest “gimmick” that’s drawn you out to see a movie? (Sal Gomez)
Snakes on a Plane
35) Favorite actress of the silent era
I gotta say Marie Prevost, I’d get funny looks if I didn’t.
36) Best Eugene Pallette performance (Larry Aydlette)
Everyone’s going to say this, but Chicago (1927).
37) Best/worst remake of the 21st century so far? (Dan Aloi)
Again, I don’t watch many modern movies, and I steer clear of the remakes for the most part. The best remake I’ve ever seen is Night of the Living Dead (1990), but it’s from last century, so I got nothin’.
38) What could multiplex owners do right now to improve the theatrical viewing experience for moviegoers? What could moviegoers do?
Moviegoers could stay the hell home. Mr. Stacia and I were the only ones in the theatre for Curse of the Were-Rabbit and it was terrific. Only Snakes on a Plane and, in some circumstances, Blue Velvet really require an audience.
There you have it. Complaints, threats, and summonses may be left at the door.